Confidence where you go?

Would you believe me if I said I hated the look of myself up until recently?

I know it seems unbelievable considering I post pictures on Instagram and do videos on youtube. But if you notice (which you probably don't because lets face it I'm not that interesting for you to care about my whereabouts) I go through waves of scheduled videos/insta posts and then I'll be gone for a few weeks. Ok part of it is due to laziness and the other part is due to not being able to look at my face.

I've always had insecurities this isn't new. Hated my nose, lips, boobs, stretchmarks, hands, ears. The last two probably sound ridicules but it’s true I was not a fan of them parts of my body. But out of the blue I refused to look in the mirror unless it was necessary. My confidence literally dropped.

I promise you this isn't a post about me just moaning and looking for sympathy! I will be telling you what I done to now be at one of my happiest and most confident times in a long time. Just keep reading.

This is now my fav loungewear set. I got a size S/M and it fits me perfectly. I was never a loungewear kind of girl until I put this one on. The trousers are highwaisted and give my body a shape I didn't think was possible with this style of clothing. The bottoms are cuffed also which is a personal preference of mine. 

I realised that this couldn't go on and I needed to step back and find the root to why this has happened. Like I said this was only a recent thing. What was new in my life that wasn't there before? 

Friends. I started hanging around new people and I realised that not all of them were good for me. Some made me feel shit and the others caused me unneeded stress which brought my mood down resulting in not caring about myself. The rest are lovely I still see them to this day and actually helped my confidence. Cut out the toxic in your life! I distant myself from the ones that were bringing me down. I'm still civil with them we have the same friendship group so I'm going to be in their presents I just don't invest my time the way I used to. Not only friends but family as well. I did this many years ago. Remember just because someone is family doesn't mean you have to associate yourself with them if they're no good for your mental health.

Next was social media. I couldn't cut it out my life. What can I say I'm addicted to it. Unfortunately I do compare myself to the girls I follow. Perfect bodies, faces, relationships, lives. I'm not an idiot I know pictures are edited and only show a small glimpse of someones life. No one rarely posts the bad behind the camera. However that still didn't stop me from comparing myself to them especially when some are younger than me. So I had a social media cleanse. I got rid of all the influences that wasn't really influencing me. I now only follow people that benefit me whether that's outfit/makeup/food inspo or just friends and family I care about. If there are people that you know personally in your life that might cause a fuss if you unfollowed them just use that mute button! Trust me I've muted some posts and stories.

Now that's all out of the way onto myself. Lets talk about the titties shall we. It's no secret that I lack in the boob area. And if it ever looks like I have an ok sized chest I'm either slightly pushing them or I'm wearing a push up bra. Since I was a teen I was looking at boob jobs. Prices, other people work, types of methods. But realistically I knew I was never going to go forward with it. So every night I would stand topless in my mirror and look at myself. I would then say one thing out loud what I liked about my boobs. Mine is the shape. I would then continue to do this every day till I basically brainwashed myself into liking them. And you know what? It worked. I now love my tits. Even to the point I actually hate wearing a bra now and if I can I will go without. I've told a mate of mine to do this trick because she suffers with the same insecurity. I told her to say one thing you like about the insecure area and promised her it will work.

Am I in love with this top? Yes. Will I be wearing it constantly? Already have been. I got a size 8 as I was worried a size 10 would be to big for my lack of boobs and this fits fine. I'm a size 8/10 and the top has a slight stretch to it. I didn't realise the back was corset style with about 10 hooks (youno the ones on bras). It's easy enough to put on yourself though dw!

Ok so this is the part where I'm not going to bullshit you. Although I haven't had surgery I have done stuff to myself to make myself more confident. What I mean by this is I've had my brows microbladed, got lash extensions and get my nails done on a regular bases. I've also grown my hair but didn't think that really counted lol. I know we should all scream be true to yourself and love the body you are given with. And don't get me wrong you should however I'm not going to say that to you when I haven't done it myself youno? They are little things however made a huge difference in the way I feel. And fuck it you do you boo. If you want to go and get something done for yourself and no one else fuck everyone and do it. Ok mine are minor compared to plastic surgery but if it makes you feel good and you are doing it for yourself then I don't see the problem with it.

Lastly was the clothes I wear. I used to worry some much about the style of clothes I wore out. I had people tell me what I could and couldn't wear if I was going out with them (a joke I know). I was wearing clothes I didn't like how I looked just to impress others. Now I wear whatever I feel comfortable and confident in regardless of where I am.  Sometimes I am slightly overdressed for a casual drink in the pub but I feel good and that's all that matters. This was actually one of the hardest to overcome. But once I stopped giving a shit about what others thought the smile on my face grew and trust me the glow that comes with it even if you are just in loungewear will have peoples heads turn.

Femme Luxe has officially converted me to loungewear. Still cropped but slightly longer than the first one shown. I like how the off the shoulder gives this set a slight something else to it. The only downfall is you need to wash this before you first wear it. I didn't realise this till it was a little to late and my body had black in on it. After washing it was fine.

So that's it. That's how I grew my confidence and learnt to love myself again. If you have any advice please do let me know in comment box!

*The above items were sent to me by Femme Luxe however all opinions are my own.