Wednesday, 29 June 2016
What I miss...
I started thinking at night (which never ends well) and I realised how much I missed the old me.
I miss.. not being paranoid and being about to trust people. When someone says they are where they say they are and I believe them instead of trying to find some proof they're lying to me. If they don't call it's not because they're cheating but because they generally are busy. That even though all the signs are saying he is telling the truth, part of me still believes there is a lie somewhere.
I miss.. being about to go places without being in fear of seeing someone that doesn't like me or has caused me pain at some point. Avoiding certain areas/clubs/events just because they could be there even though it's a slim chance I will bump into them. This then leads to me missing out on memories and opportunities.
I miss.. not worrying about people. When you are young you could speak to someone for 5 minutes and already they're your new bestfriend. Now I worry in case they know someone who knows someone who knows 'about' me so they already have an opinion before meeting. That I might not fit in and be an outcast.
I miss.. being able to let go of the past. Before, something could happen and less than a week everything is back to normal. Now the past still haunts me regardless of how much time pasts. Regardless of how much I want to forget, memories will still pop into my head and they're not always good memories.
I miss.. feeling confident. I used to wear the most outrageous outfits and strangest makeup/hairdos and didn't care what anyone thought. Now I barely upload a selfie in case it isn't good enough. Constantly feeling like I'm being compared and judged. That my selfie is in someones group chat and I'm the joke of the night.
I miss.. the innocents. That you could be seen with a boy without being accused of shagging. That if you felt sick the first thing someone says isn't 'are you pregnant?'
But some things will never be the same again because some scars are too deep...
Anyone else feel the same way?
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