No I'm not being over dramatic when I say I'm freaking out. I mean I am generally freaking out, having panic attacks about life at least once a week. And it's not just one thing. It's multiple things that although I really shouldn't be worrying about I am and I can't help it.
Buying a house
I have been looking at houses to get a rough idea of how much I will need for deposit, mortgage, bills etc. I decided that I don't want to rent as the money I use while renting could be going towards a deposit for a house. After browsing for many months I have realised that I am pretty much screwed. I feel like my only two options are 1. nice house shit area or 2. shit house but nice area. Like there is literally no in between. And even when I find a decent(ish) house after bills, travel and everything else I would have about £100 to live on for the rest of the month! I've always wanted my own house that's why I wouldn't go for a council house but I kinda get it now. You can get some decent houses/flats on the council for barely anything!
When to have children
Ideally I wanted to have my first child at 27, in my own house after living there for a few years and travelling a bit. I'm 23 this year and still haven't moved out and barely seen the world. Having a child at that age is becoming unlikely. Which leaves me with the question, do I have a child at my ideal age but still be living at home (which is looking likely) or move out and then have a child in my 30s? I know there's nothing wrong with having kids in your 30s. My mum had both me and my sister in hers but that's just not how I wanted it.
Should I come off my contraception and leave it to my boyfriend
My contraception is making me fat. I'm eating the healthiest I ever have and even working out and yet I am the heaviest I have ever been in my life. Now if you look at me you wouldn't class me as fat I'm just saying I'm the biggest I've been. And more importantly it is making me self conscious and my confidence is plummeting. I am currently on the injection. I have tried numerous contraceptive pills but they either gave me pains, made me sick or my temper was getting so bad that it was causing problems in my relationship. I've tried the implant but that made me (TMI) bleed constantly for a year. And the coil personally freaks me out and I wouldn't like to have it. That leave condoms. The only thing that is putting me off this is that I wanted to be in control of getting pregnant or not. If I'm on nothing then that give all control to the man and being the control freak that I am makes me itch from the inside out.
Please tell me I'm not the only one that freaks out about these kind of things? I wish I was one of those people who just lives in the moment. But sadly I am not. I am a planner that worries about her future.